I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
