do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
