I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
