She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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