Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
