I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
