dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
