sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
