ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
