when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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