First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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