Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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