I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
