I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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