do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
