I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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