thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
