I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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