WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
