Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
