she woke up with a sticky ear
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
