Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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