Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
