And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
