My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
