Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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