I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
zippers are such a cool invention
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
