Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
