Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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