SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
