Cold hands, warm shart.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
