So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize