Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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