she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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