When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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