Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
