Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
