She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
