It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
