I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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