I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
