thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
