I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
