Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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