is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
