a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
