i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
