yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
