She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
