you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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