my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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